How Selfish Can One Person Be? I Mean You Are A Mother After All

I am beyond frustrated this evening.  The evening before the first day back to school.  The entire evening has been showers and preparing for the first day.  The kids are excited and trying to get everything around that they need.

It wasn’t until around 8:15pm that my daughter realized that her piano bag needed to go to her mother’s.  Earlier in the day she took over her volleyball bag and was trying to be responsible.  She just forgot to take her piano bag; new school year, new routines.

When she called her mom to come and get it, her own mother told her that she needed to be more responsible and should have brought it over earlier if she needed it.  Her own mother began to lecture her on the phone about responsibility, instead of saying ok and coming over to get the bag.  Let me remind those who do not know, my ex lives less than 6 blocks away and less than a 2 minute commute.  There is no reason not to just jump in the car and come and get the bag,  It wasn’t late and it is for your daughter who needed it the next day.

My daughter didn’t want to take it to school as she already had all her new folders, books and such to deal with.  I understand that she has a lot and that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal to just come over in less than 5 minutes to grab a bag.  After about 8 minutes of begging and my daughter almost in tears, her mother says “fine” I will come and get it, but I am not getting out of the car.  SERIOUSLY!  Why would you not want to get out of the car and give your daughter and son a hug and kiss.  Why would you not want to get out of the car and wish them good luck on their first day of school.  What kind of mother are you?  Why bother even having kids if you are not going to put their needs first.  I was sick to my stomach and the kids were upset that their mom didn’t and wouldn’t take 10 minutes out of her night for them.  Honestly, I do not blame them one bit for being upset.  I know I would be.

When she came to the house, I ran the bag out to her car because both the of the kids had just gotten out of the shower and didn’t need to be outside.  My ex didn’t say a word, just opened the window and then drove off.  Not even a “tell the kids I love them or wish them good luck tomorrow.”  I guess she has more important things to worry about besides her kids and their feelings.

Why try to be a part of their lives if this is how you are going to treat them.  Why “fake” giving a shit about the kids when you really don’t.  Maybe it is for image or maybe you think it is what is right.  Your actions tonight prove that you are not fit to be a mother and that your own kids do not come first.  It is sad when my own children are counting down the days when they can make a decision to live with me full time.  It is sad that my children have to feel empty inside so that their mother can feel good about herself.  Just walk away if this is how you are going to ask?

Your actions speak louder than words and the kids are old enough to understand the truth.  Only time will tell, but when it does, it will not be fun for any of the parties involved.

What are your thoughts?  Am I being over rational?

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE AMAZING DADS OUT THERE

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE AMAZING DADS OUT THERE

Happy Mother’s Day to all the single dad out there who have to pick up the slack and do double duty for their children.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the dads who put their children first no matter what.  The dads who have learned to braid their daughters hair, talk to their daughters about becoming a woman. The dads who sit with their sons for hours teaching them to be a man and what it means to be a good person.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the dads out there that know the truth about their children’s mother, but still paints a positive light for their children.  The dad who makes excuses for their mother.  The dad who never misses a sporting event, a piano recital or just spending time with his kids when he has them.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the dads who reach into their pockets no matter what the cost and sacrifice their happiness for the sake of their kids because there is no one else who will.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the dad who stay up with the kids when they are sick, makes their lunches, cooks them dinner, does their laundry and makes their bed.  Even though we may only have our children part time, we are full time parents and take our rolls very seriously.  There is no day off when you are parent and those dads out there know that! To those who have your children full time, you are remarkable dads.  You are truly the heroes in your children’s lives and don’t need a plaque, a special day or even a thank you to know what you mean to your children.  You see it in the way they grow up and the people that they become.

May every dad out there continue to be the best dad and person that they can be for the sake of their children.  Real men and super dads wear aprons as their capes and any other outfit, uniform or suit that makes our children happy and enriches their lives without causing pain.

 

 

The Meaning of Family and Sacrifice

The Meaning of Family and Sacrifice

Tonight I received a text from my ex accusing me that I do not know the meaning of family!

On mother’s day this weekend, she told me that our son will be missing his flag football game to go to a luncheon with her family that starts at the same time.  My argument is that she needs to allow our son to go to his game, which he looks forward to every week and that she can go to the luncheon after the game.  Everyone is always late to her family events and that showing up a couple hours late is not the end of the world.  I explained that our son is extremely bummed and that she needs to think about his feelings as well.

The problem that I have always had with my ex is that our children always come second to her mother and father and her siblings.  My children never get a say and their feelings are crushed and hurt by her family and their actions.  I am the one always left cleaning up the pieces and trying to put my children first no matter what.  When you have children and get married, the house you live in and the little people that you are responsible come first, not the other way around.  They are not a convenience.  They have feelings and opinions that need to be listened too.  My son is extremely upset that he has to miss his game, but at the same time doesn’t want to upset his mother because of the gilt trip that she has put on him.

A true family leader figures out how to do things.  I thought ok, I am wrong, so I asked 3 other mothers their thoughts on the situation and everyone said kids, first, game first and mother’s day event second.  They all said there is no reason they cannot do both.  The reason they both events cannot be done is lack of parenting and the willingness to put your children first. Inconveniences happen all the time; it’s called being a parent and doing what is best for the kids, not what is best for you.

To send me a text saying “family is something you could never quite wrap your mind around” shows the true ignorance for the person sending the message.  When someone is fighting for their family, their children and their family and not someone else’s or another, that is what family is truly about.  A real mother would understand that, no a part time one.

A few years ago my ex father in law had open heart surgery and was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks.  My ex wife was up there every day after work and spend most nights up there.  She throws it in my face all the time that I didn’t once go visit him while in the hospital.  However, what she forgets is that while she dropped everything for her father, that our lives did not stop and that while she was at the hospital every night I made sure that our children had dinner on the table, took baths, did their homework and were ready for school the next day.  She forgets that I took days off from work and adjusted my personal and work schedule so that I could be home for the kids while she was at the hospital.  She forgets that when she got home there was always a meal on the table, clean clothes, her lunch was packed for work the next day and that she didn’t have to worry about a single thing during those two weeks except for being with her father.

So, please DO NOT tell me for a minute I do not know the definition of family and that I did not like your family.  I played my roll and did my part to make sure our family did not sacrifice and I made sure that I did everything possible so that she should be at the hospital with her father.  Some times rolls and jobs are not glorified.  Sometimes jobs and rolls go unnoticed, but if I didn’t do the things that I did, could she have done the things she needed to do for her father and her parents?

Maybe someone needs to take a step back and re-define what family is and what it means to sacrifice for someone else and that not everything is perfect.  Family is putting others first that live under your roof and not the roof of someone else’s.  If she truly understood the meaning of family, she would understand what I did when her father was sick and why today I am fighting for my son.  Selfish people do selfish things and blinders help them ignore the facts and help them justify and feel better in the end, but who is truly the ones who get hurt, those who are close and those who she calls family!

This Guy Gets It

This Guy Gets It

If you have not seen this video, you need to watch it about why this guy gets his wife a birthday present.  CLICK HERE to check out the video.

One thing that I can tell you, is that I get it.  I have never stopped getting my ex gifts on her birthday or for Christmas from the kids.  I ask them when the time comes “What Do You Want To Get Mommy For….”.

I have gotten her a TV for her bedroom and many other things.  The most recent was a Pandora bracelet.  My daughter went online, shopped for her mom, picked out exactly what she wanted and asked me if I could get it for her since she did not have any money.  Without hesitation I went and got exactly what my daughter asked and had it wrapped.

On the day of my ex’s birthday, the kids gave her the gift.  They were so excited.  I was excited for them until they both called me crying.  My daughter stated that their mom would not unwrap the gift and told them to take it back and that she did not even want it.  The kids were devastated.  This was the first time they picked out their mom’s gift and she won’t even open it.  Seriously, WTF.  Open the gift, say thank you and then put it in a drawer.

It wasn’t until I sent her an email telling her the story that she finally opened the gift, but to date still have not worn it.

So now, when I ask, the kids say “doesn’t matter mom won’t like it and just argue with us”.  It is so sad.

I still wish my ex a happy mother’s day and a happy birthday.  Why wouldn’t I?  She is the mother of my children and my kids need to see what respect looks like even if they do not see if from other side.

I have tried to show my children what is right on countless occasions.  I have done what is right out of respect for my kids and will continue no matter what her reactions are.  She is the one who will have to answer to her children when they are older.  Until then, I will show my son what and how to treat his mother and show my daughter what love and respect is and how she can expect to be treated and to settle for nothing less.  A gentleman is kind to all.  My son is slowly learning that, along with my daughter.  I need to keep fighting for them, no matter the toll on me or the situation.  Always do what is right for the kids.  Put them first and teach them right.  The guy in the video hit the nail right on the head.  Like him, I can look my kids in the eye and be proud to be their father.

Happy 40th Birthday To My Ex

Happy 40th Birthday To My Ex

Last night all of our friends got together to celebrate my ex wife’s 40th birthday.  It is funny to think that I was actually planning her 40th for years and wanted to be extra special, but that was when she was my wife.  I am sure she had just as much fun if not more last night than with me and the kids, but maybe that is the problem.

I am sure there were over 50-75 people there to wish her well.  I am sure she picked out a new outfit, had her hair done and maybe even her make up.  I mean, this day was all about her.

My question is, what is really important, drinking with friends on a friday night, or celebrating with your children?  Maybe it is just me.  When my daughter called her mother last night, she asked “how is the party”.  The first thing my ex replied was “how do you know about the party”?  Like it is a secret or there is something to hide?  Is there a reason she wanted to hide the event?  I mean from that comment that didn’t need to be made it doesn’t seem that she cared to be with her kids and that she is the most important person in the world.

My question is; if people knew the truth about the things she says to me, the things she sends me and how she treats her children who would really be there.  Do her friends support her sleeping with married men (allegedly)?  What if they knew that their friend doesn’t call her own kids for days and has no problem going 3-4-5 days without knowing how her children are doing.  How about that she never even called her kids on Christmas.  What mother or person does that unless they are more important that their own children.  Even if she was so sad and missed the kids on Christmas she still should have called.  My daughter said to me that night “mom didn’t even call me on Christmas” and she was sad.  As a parent you need to put the kids first and my ex does not.  What if her friends knew the real person and not the Facebook person whose life if perfect full of things she does for her kids, work outs and inspiration.  The real woman is turned 40 is divorced with two kids and doesn’t do a damn thing for her kids or to make their lives better,  The real woman is the one who tells her children she has no money to support their school fundraiser, but has money to go out to the bar with her friends on Friday night.  The real woman is the one who tells me that she has no money to pay for the kids summer camps, extra curricular activities or even extra money for school lunches, but has money to go up north on vacation to Miami for a girls weekend or out on the days and weekends that she doesn’t actually have to be a mom.

Sad part is the kids are starting to see the real person.  Yes, they love her because she is their mom, but they are not liking her as a person and are starting to feel left out and put on the side because of her actions.  Her party was no exception, she would rather spend the night out with her friends than with her own children.  If I would have thrown the party, the kids would have been there.  They should have been there either way no matter if it was my weekend or not.  All she had to do was ask because the kids always come first. Just like every other 40th party I have ever been too.  The kids are there to blow out the candles and then they leave for the evening so that the real party can begin. Real mothers want their kids to be a part of their special days, but more importantly the kids want to be a part of their mother’s special day and that is what matters most.  Last night my daughter was sad because she felt left out.  My son was upset because he wanted to see his mom happy, excited and all dressed up.

Sure, I may sound like I am complaining or bitching, but it is the furthest thing from that.  I have never said a single bad thing about my ex and never will as she is the mother of my children, but can she say the same.  I have lost countless friends because of my ex, her family and her mouth.  Single sided stories are always better than the truth.  Do I care about those friends, no I don’t a they were not real friends in the end anyways.  In the end what matters the most are the kids, and if her friends knew the kind of mother that she is, who would really show up for her party?

 

Not Sure What To Think From The Email That I Received

I received the emails below and I am not sure what ti think.

Will Julie be attending the dance this year? I know the kids are very fond of her, so she should be included if that’s something you feel is important for you guys and the kids. I don’t want her, or you and the kids, to ever feel or think that she shouldn’t be somewhere because I am. I’m sure that’s not the case, but I wanted to make myself clear where that is concerned. It was nice meeting her at the Greek Reunion over break. She seems very sweet and compassionate and most importantly is good to our children, which is truly all I care about. Just thought I’d throw it out there in case you were considering it.

First, let me fill in a few blanks.  Julie is my girl friend of over a year and for the past six months has been a part of my life and the kids.  Second, on 23-December at an event that Julie and I attended, my ex was there and came up and introduced herself as “Chris’ Ex”.  With that said, I am not sure why the above email was sent or why or what would give my ex the impression that I care what she thinks and that I am letting her control what I do and where I go.

My ex has called me a narcissist in the past, but I am starting to see and think that it is actually her that is the narcissist.  I am just trying to live my life and be the best dad and boyfriend that I can be.  For my ex to send this email, I really don’t know what to say.  Maybe there is a little jealously and this is her way of showing it.  Yes, my girl friend is younger than her and skinnier than her and in my opinion prettier than her.  She is definitely nicer to me and treats me better than I could have ever imagined to be treated.

Including my girl friend in something that is important to me and my children will never be dictated by my ex or her family.  I will always go where I want and when I want as I have nothing to be ashamed about.  She is the one that left, not me.  I am not the one who did something wrong.

When is Fast to Fast

When is Fast to Fast

I don’t know.  Maybe it is just me, but can someone please explain why they need to go almost 90 mph?  What is the hurry and why is there any reason to go almost 20 mph (70 mph posted limited) with children in the car and potentially endangering their lives,

When I have my kids in the car, I make sure to pay extra attention to speed and my surroundings and I want to make sure they arrive safely.  There is NEVER a rush when my kids are in the car.  Just think, if this is how their mother drives when the kids are in the car, how does she drive when they are not?  Does she not care about the safety and well being?  Knowing their mother drives like this is of grave concern.  Looking at the photos above you can see 18 events and then 21 events.  Events are defined as hard braking or quick acceleration.  It is my guess that there was a lot of braking and accelerating done to reach 88 mph and more than likely not very safe driving.

What do you think?  Should I be worried and concerned?

Science says parents of successful kids have these 13 things in common

After reading the article below from Business Insider it made me think about my childhood and how I am currently raising my children.  There is a lot of similarities, yet a few things that I view differently probably because of how I was raised.

The first thing on the list is “They Make Their Kids Do Chores”.

I don’t necessarily make the kids do certain things around the house, but I do expect them to be respectful and help out.  Setting the table, cleaning the table, shoveling the drive way after a snow fall, and most importantly picking up after themselves.  My daughter at 12 years old can do her own laundry, cook dinner and take care of a few other things.  That doesn’t mean that I make her cook dinner for the family as a chore, but I do involve her in the process on a regular basis.  I want my children to learn responsibility and to do things without being asked.  To learn to be respectful and to “take care of business”.

When I was growing up I had a few things on my list to do like cut the grass, but it was the items or task not on my list of chores that I did the most.  If the trash was full, I took it out with out being asked.  My kids do the same.  DIshes in hte sink, load or unload the dishwasher.  My children understand that as a team we all need to do our part.

The next thing mentioned on the list is “They Teach Their Kids Social Skills”

This is a MUST!  There is no alternative.  My children shake hands when they meet someone and look them in the eye.  They order their own meals politely when we go out and they effectively communicate for themselves if they want something.  There is no other way and this is a must to survive in today’s society.  We don’t hide behind devices. He put them down and interact or communicate.

#3 is “High Expectations”

There is no question about this. My children know they are going to college and getting a degree.  They know grades are essential in school today. My children understand there is no giving up or quitting.  You start something, you finish it.  This is how I was raised, and this is how I will push my children as well.  Now, don’t get me wrong, every expectation is set at a level of achievement.  I never set goals so high that they will never reach them and set them up for failure.  I push, I encourage and from time to time I am stern with them as I expect more from them when they do not give the effort.  We have a saying about “Perfect Practice Makes Perfect” and “I Want Solutions Not Excuses”  The third on is a saying that I learned playing football in college; “MTXE – Mental Toughness Extra Effort.  This is how we attack everything that we do in life,  100% or not all.  Nothing is given to us and we work for everything. Effort is what counts whether your fail or not.  If you fall, you get up.  That is what counts.  If you did the best you can and still fail, then you learn and more on.

Relationships

The article also discusses my educational background and relationships with each other.  Yes, I have an MBA.  Yes, my children and I have a great relationship, but they also have good relationships with each other.  They support each other.  This is a must and is encouraged and demanded at the same time.

I was always taught and raised with respect.  I was not raised with the “I am Your Father and I Said So Mentality”.  I was treated as an equal and I treat my two the same way.  I think this is one of the main reasons I have such a great relationship with my parents and my children.  We all have open communication on all levels.

Click HERE to see the entire article.

 

 

 

 

 

It Doesn’t Hurt To Say THANK YOU

Tonight the kids mother asked if she could have the kids for a couple of hours during my week as she wanted them to meet their cousin for the very first time, even though he is 2 years old.  He and his mother were in from Arizona to meet the family.

When their mother asked, my first reaction was of course,  I do not want the kids to miss out on meeting their little cousin.  They may never see him again or it could be another two years before he shows up again.

This evening she picked them up, even though the kids did not want to go.  In fact, I had to bribe them that we would do something special the next night.  For whatever the reason they did not want to go.

They went and I even let the kids stay a little longer to enjoy their time.  It wasn’t until my daughter called me and asked me to come and get them and that they wanted to leave. This really surprised me.

When I picked them up and I went to the door and my daughter was at the door waiting and walked right past me to the car.  My son was standing with his mother and she helped him get his coat on.  While getting his coat on their mother says to them “tell your father thank you for letting you come over”.  Wait!  What?  Why are you telling this to your son in front of me?  Why are you even telling your son this.  I did you a favor and you are the one who should be thanking me, not the kids who didn’t even want to go.

What kind of example are you setting for your kids?  Are you to good to say thank you when someone does something nice for you?  You are not better than anyone else.  By not looking me in the eye and by not saying thank you to me what message are you sending to your children.  Respect starts at the top.  They learn from example.  I made sure to say to her in front of the kids “my son isn’t the one who needs to say thank you, it is you as their mother”.  She just shut the door on my and my son.

I guess next time I need to think twice about doing special things for my ex, but again she knows that I will always do what is best for my kids and takes full advantage of that ALL the time.