Tonight I received a text from my ex accusing me that I do not know the meaning of family!
On mother’s day this weekend, she told me that our son will be missing his flag football game to go to a luncheon with her family that starts at the same time. My argument is that she needs to allow our son to go to his game, which he looks forward to every week and that she can go to the luncheon after the game. Everyone is always late to her family events and that showing up a couple hours late is not the end of the world. I explained that our son is extremely bummed and that she needs to think about his feelings as well.
The problem that I have always had with my ex is that our children always come second to her mother and father and her siblings. My children never get a say and their feelings are crushed and hurt by her family and their actions. I am the one always left cleaning up the pieces and trying to put my children first no matter what. When you have children and get married, the house you live in and the little people that you are responsible come first, not the other way around. They are not a convenience. They have feelings and opinions that need to be listened too. My son is extremely upset that he has to miss his game, but at the same time doesn’t want to upset his mother because of the gilt trip that she has put on him.
A true family leader figures out how to do things. I thought ok, I am wrong, so I asked 3 other mothers their thoughts on the situation and everyone said kids, first, game first and mother’s day event second. They all said there is no reason they cannot do both. The reason they both events cannot be done is lack of parenting and the willingness to put your children first. Inconveniences happen all the time; it’s called being a parent and doing what is best for the kids, not what is best for you.
To send me a text saying “family is something you could never quite wrap your mind around” shows the true ignorance for the person sending the message. When someone is fighting for their family, their children and their family and not someone else’s or another, that is what family is truly about. A real mother would understand that, no a part time one.
A few years ago my ex father in law had open heart surgery and was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. My ex wife was up there every day after work and spend most nights up there. She throws it in my face all the time that I didn’t once go visit him while in the hospital. However, what she forgets is that while she dropped everything for her father, that our lives did not stop and that while she was at the hospital every night I made sure that our children had dinner on the table, took baths, did their homework and were ready for school the next day. She forgets that I took days off from work and adjusted my personal and work schedule so that I could be home for the kids while she was at the hospital. She forgets that when she got home there was always a meal on the table, clean clothes, her lunch was packed for work the next day and that she didn’t have to worry about a single thing during those two weeks except for being with her father.
So, please DO NOT tell me for a minute I do not know the definition of family and that I did not like your family. I played my roll and did my part to make sure our family did not sacrifice and I made sure that I did everything possible so that she should be at the hospital with her father. Some times rolls and jobs are not glorified. Sometimes jobs and rolls go unnoticed, but if I didn’t do the things that I did, could she have done the things she needed to do for her father and her parents?
Maybe someone needs to take a step back and re-define what family is and what it means to sacrifice for someone else and that not everything is perfect. Family is putting others first that live under your roof and not the roof of someone else’s. If she truly understood the meaning of family, she would understand what I did when her father was sick and why today I am fighting for my son. Selfish people do selfish things and blinders help them ignore the facts and help them justify and feel better in the end, but who is truly the ones who get hurt, those who are close and those who she calls family!